How to Say No & Set Boundaries for Yourself


The vacation season is right here and with it comes the invitations, household time and get togethers. How about as an alternative of ending the 12 months ticking off achievements, we decide to finish the 12 months slowed down, nourished, rested and able to begin 2023? An important a part of carrying out that—or only a completely different form of vacation season extra aligned along with your wants—is studying the right way to say no with out an apology or excuse.

Setting boundaries may really feel further difficult through the holidays as a result of household is usually concerned, the worry of lacking out could be current or we really feel a basic sense of obligation to be “festive.” However all of this can be a matter of notion. There isn’t a actual obligation right here. So as an alternative of being burdened by setting boundaries, create the form of vacation season you need this 12 months. 

Easy methods to keep away from an amazing vacation 

1. Put together 

It’s fully potential to keep away from feeling overwhelmed and burned out through the holidays by organizing and preparing. I really like to begin with making a imaginative and prescient for myself across the holidays. Ask your self, how would you like this vacation season to really feel for you? Possibly it’s stress-free, nourishing or energizing. We now have much more energy and management than we expect we do, and it’s essential to acknowledge we’re at all times in control of how we need to really feel.

2. Discover your emotions

Exploring your whole emotions—even the uncomfortable ones—will assist make your vacation imaginative and prescient a actuality. For instance, when you really feel your intestine clench round any explicit invitation, discover it! Ask what you could be hesitant of and why the unfavourable response. Take heed to intestine clenches and some other emotions (each bodily and emotional) you expertise. They’re making an attempt to inform you one thing. Then discover how you might create a greater expertise for your self, maybe by setting boundaries round time or by merely saying no.

3. Take a look at saying no as a development alternative

A perspective shift is a robust device for creating a unique holiday season. First, stepping outdoors of conventional black and white pondering could be useful. For instance, we are able to nonetheless set boundaries and they are often affirming and never combative or controlling.  If you decline an invitation or say no, concentrate on the way it feels for you, and fear much less about the way it feels for the opposite particular person.

It’s usually the folks pleaser in us that’s triggered when we have to say no however discover it uncomfortable. Discover the beliefs you could have round saying no. Ask questions! Will you actually disappoint somebody by saying no? What do you assume will occur when you say no? Determine any mistaken beliefs you’ll have round saying no and transfer ahead from there. 

Easy methods to say no

We’ve mentioned methods to organize for a extra aligned vacation season, however how do you truly say no? It’s arduous, particularly across the holidays. Regardless that you may say sure to so most of the invites and alternatives, it doesn’t imply it’s a must to say sure to every little thing. Listed here are some tips about the right way to confidently say no.

1. Attempt saying “sure, and…” or “sure, however…”

You’re nonetheless saying sure (technically), which might help you are feeling extra comfortable, however ending with a no. Particular examples may embody, “Sure, I might love to do this, however I have to test first. I’ll get again to you,” or “Sure that sounds beautiful, and I’m not in a position to sadly.” Bear in mind you don’t want to provide a full purpose why you’re saying no. 

2. Say no whereas concurrently expressing gratitude

For instance, “No, we can’t make it, however I really like being invited. Thanks for pondering of us.” 

3. Be sincere

As an example, “No, I’m already booked,” or “No thanks, this 12 months I’m actually engaged on sticking to a sure variety of occasions, however I really like being invited so let’s look forward to subsequent 12 months please.” Individuals could be extra understanding than you’d assume, and also you’re most definitely not the one one feeling the stress of the vacations.

4. Discover a answer that feels best for you

You can even be sincere whereas offering another answer that feels extra aligned for you. If attending a crowded vacation get together feels overwhelming for you, supply to do a extra intimate lunch date as an alternative.

5. Apply being with the ability of no

Saying no could be very difficult for some folks, so it’s an excellent alternative for development. Sit with these uncomfortable emotions round saying no, and see how a lot energy you maintain by expressing your no. 

Regardless that saying no can really feel uncomfortable, there is no such thing as a higher time than now to observe. If you happen to’re on the lookout for a unique form of vacation season this 12 months, you maintain the ability to make your imaginative and prescient a actuality. The observe you purchase via the vacations can function a robust automobile via which you’ll be able to say no all year long.

This story is part of The Motherly Collective contributor network the place we showcase the tales, experiences and recommendation from manufacturers, writers and specialists who need to share their perspective with our neighborhood. We consider that there is no such thing as a single story of motherhood, and that each mom’s journey is exclusive. By amplifying every mom’s expertise and providing expert-driven content material, we are able to help, inform and encourage one another on this unbelievable journey. If you happen to’re keen on contributing to The Motherly Collective please click here.

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