I Just Rewatched ‘Love Actually’ & It’s Even Worse Than I Remembered


I hate to interrupt it to you, fellow millennials, however Love Truly is nearly 20 years previous. I keep in mind how common the film was when it first premiered again in 2003 — so common, in truth, that my good friend wished to look at the Christmas flick in the course of the summer time. The film was an enormous hit all over the world, grossing tons of of thousands and thousands of {dollars}, and I assume why would not or not it’s? It starred mainly each British star on the planet, from Alan Rickman to Emma Thompson, featured Hugh Grant dancing to ’80s pop, and was all about love.

Or was it?

Here is the factor. Whereas I used to be a previous devotee to the Richard Curtis movie, because the film has aged, and myself proper together with it, I’ve to confess — I form of hate it now. If I am being sincere, I hate it lots, and my most up-to-date viewing of the film confirmed what I’ve thought for years: This movie about love is definitely not about love in any respect.

I do know, I do know. You like this film. You like when the impish little child runs after his crush within the airport, and when Colin Firth declares his love for his Portuguese housekeeper. You like that signal scene with Keira Knightley (I am going to get into that later). By now, you recognize the film options a number of storylines about love — or so we’re meant to imagine.

However hear me out as I refresh your reminiscence about this rubbish hearth of a flick that belongs on the curb subsequent to your Christmas tree. With that stated, let us take a look at what love “really” is within the case of every couple on this questionable Christmas basic.

The Prime Minister and Natalie

Peter Mountain/Common Studios

The white male gaze is alive and nicely within the mid-aughts, so naturally, Hugh Grant is our protagonist. He has a crush on his tea woman (sure, I imagine that is her job title), Natalie (Martine McCutcheon), who’s sexually harassed and perhaps even assaulted by the American president (Billy Bob Thornton). Hugh witnesses this, would not ask her about it, and would not intervene, however he does get his massive hero second because of a self-indulgent, pro-Britain speech geared toward the USA.

Then, within the subsequent scene, he fires her. Worse (or perhaps equally unhealthy?) are the continual digs at her weight, together with a very venomous scene with the PM’s private secretary about her thighs and ass, in addition to the final scene of the film, which entails Hugh hoisting her on the airport earlier than saying, “God, you weigh lots.” That is the final line within the movie. I want I have been kidding.

What love “is”: Even an upper-class, privileged PM can fall in love with a working-class, curvy girl who swears like a sailor?

Jamie and His Housekeeper Aurelia

Peter Mountain/Common Studios

This storyline is nearly the identical as above, besides Jamie (Colin Firth) is not the prime minister. Nevertheless, he’s one other upper-class, privileged straight white man who falls in love with one other working-class girl (Lucia Moniz) amid extra “fats jokes” (aimed this time at Aurelia’s sister). Only one factor, although: They do not converse the identical language and might’t keep on a dialog. It is fairly ludicrous when you concentrate on it.

There are two extremely cringey moments on this plot. The primary is when Aurelia strips right down to her underwear to avoid wasting Jamie’s manuscript, which has blown into the lake. In fact the digicam gratuitously scans her whole physique, making a transparent cease on her decrease again tattoo. The second is when Jamie makes an attempt to comb Aurelia off her toes at her household’s restaurant so he could make a spouse out of her. Her dad initially errors him for getting her as his private servant — and he is completely OK with this! Whaaaaat?

What love “is”: I am undecided. I feel it is that love has no language if you happen to’re scorching AF. However name me loopy; I do not assume that is sustainable for a long-term relationship. Hopefully, Jamie has DuoLingo.

Juliet, Peter, and Mark

Peter Mountain/Common Studios

This storyline is the ickiest if you happen to ask me. Juliet (Keira Knightley) and Peter (Chiwetel Ejiofor) simply acquired married, and Mark (Andrew Lincoln) is Peter’s finest good friend and finest man. He additionally occurs to be obsessed with Juliet. He filmed their wedding ceremony and acquired no photographs of the groom — simply closeups of Juliet and her massive smile. OK, we all know Keira and her brows are attractive, however this a part of the film is apparent creepy.

Effectively, not as creepy as when Mark reveals up at Juliet’s door in essentially the most memorable scene of the film. “To me, you’re excellent” sounds romantic — when not directed at a married girl who occurs to be married to your finest good friend. However would we count on something lower than a passive-aggressive dialog purely in handwritten indicators from a person who has been nothing however impolite to the item of his consideration and does this all behind the again of his so-called finest good friend?

And the place is Peter in all of this? I barely remembered he was within the film. What a pity. It looks as if Juliet and Peter’s love story might actually have been one thing extraordinary… that’s, if it was featured in a film that was really about love.

What love “is”: It’s unrequited, to not point out form of creepy and intrusive.

Sarah and Karen

Peter Mountain/Common Studios

Is it to anybody’s shock {that a} misogynistic film would forestall its feminine leads from having a satisfying love life? Yeah, did not assume so. Anyway, poor Sarah (Laura Linney) cannot get laid (and probably fall in love) with the good-looking Carl as a result of she’s a girl, and subsequently places everybody, like her mentally sick brother, forward of herself and her personal happiness.

Then, after all, there’s Karen (Emma Thompson). For the report, Emma’s performing is way too good for this film. That explains why the one scene within the movie worthy of eliciting actual feelings is when she realizes her dick of a husband (performed by the late, nice Alan Rickman) is dishonest on her together with his a lot youthful secretary. But additionally, I have to be aware, Karen chastised her brother (Liam Neeson) for crying the day earlier than his useless spouse’s funeral and even referred to as him a “sissy,” so perhaps it is karma? Both approach, the message right here is that older girls are chilly, undesirable, and just about all-around losers. Niiiiice.

What love “is”: Effectively, it’s not fulfilling for a girl, particularly if you happen to’re older and have dependents.

To Sum It All Up

OK, I positively might go on — particularly relating to the storyline of Colin and his American ladies (mainly, if you happen to’re British and dorky, go to America to get laid by some ditzy American girls) or the 2 porno stand-ins (one query: why?). There are some optimistic highlights to the film, like… the soundtrack. Sure, the soundtrack, that includes Dido, Joni Mitchell, and Kelly Clarkson, is first rate. However if you happen to’re on the lookout for one thing to cheer you up this vacation season and make it easier to imagine in love once more, um, this is not the film for you, really.

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